Leah and I went out to celebrate our bartending certification with wings, shots, and air of sexual tension. We decided to visit our favorite cheap spot on West 4th with some of our friends from bartending school.  Here’s what we figured out afterwards…

xoxo Parker Chase

Tuesday Night 6/2/09
Location: Down The Hatch

Parker:

1. To the guys…you can’t bring a wing woman out with you if she actually has feelings for you.
2. Yes, a shot of Jäger makes you happy, but any more shots of it afterwards just makes you incredibly horny.
3. Only in my world is “I’m a chef” a suitable pick up line.
4. Telling an annoying stranger who is trying to chat you up that your teacher (who is standing next to you) is your lover, seems to be a trusty cockblock AND a turn on to said annoying stranger.
5. If you do not turn off your phone before you go to bed, you will get a drunken call @ 5am from the gentleman you gave your number to.

BONUS: Is it a good night if all you want to do is go home and masturbate?

Leah:

1. If you feel the need to call someone out on his or her relationship bullshit, then do it!!
2. If your ex, girlfriend, friend, mom, sister, cousin, aunt, or baby’s mama thinks I am trustworthy…they are foolish.
3. I love having guy friends; they make the night more fun.
4. Pretending your homegirl is your ‘girlfriend’ to keep guys off is hot.
5. Hand holding makes me moist because I am a spinster who doesn’t get out
enough these days.

BONUS: Steeling the AA batteries out of the living room remote control for
my masterbational usage turns me on more.

This has to be one of the most honest things I have written so far. The people who know me personally know who this is about, im not denying it. I didn’t expect that things would be so different a year later…

I was out on Saturday night when it hit me like a truck: If we were still together, we would be making 4 years on Thursday. There was a part of me that was happy that I forgot, meaning that I had been so absorbed in my new self that he was becoming less and less a part of my thoughts. Another part that thought I was stupid for forgetting it. I wish I had remembered it the day after…instead of having the days leading up to it to dwell. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and I tried to think of anything else. My sadness mixed with anger, I was livid that I was wasting tears on him. I couldn’t remember the last time I had cried over him, over us.

It wouldn’t bother me so much but the fact that I had found out he was engaged after a short courtship reopened the wound and cut it deeper. He was back in my head again and it bothered me. It not even that I wanted him back. It just feels like the three years that we did have, ended up meaning nothing in the end. The word ‘engagement’ seemed burned into the back of my mind. I wanted to be his wife, but not right that second. We wanted to take it slow and get married a few years from now, when we were established more in life and career. So to hear that he was engaged after roughly 6 months into his new relationship was more than a hard pill to swallow…it was more like twisting a knife.

The break-up was the best worst thing that ever happened to me. It depends on the day.
It was my catalyst. It forced me to evolve.  I went through phases; first I was crushed, then jaded, and then determined. I wasn’t going to drown in my sorrows. I became proactive. I was incredibly happy being with him, but I had missed out on so much.

If he were to come around tomorrow, I couldn’t be with him. I have no fight left in me anymore, and God knows I fought for that boy. We went through a lot together, it strengthened us and weakened us all at the same time. I lost so much of myself in that relationship that when it was finally over I almost felt like I had to rebuild myself from the ground up. I’m not here to bash what we had. We were in love. However, it seemed that when things got difficult, he would run.  I was promised forever one day and he was gone the next. When did his ‘I love you’ lose their meaning? I would ask myself that a lot when the break up was fresh. Relationships aren’t perfect all the time, but you keep the bigger picture in mind.

He left me with the promise of friendship and that he would be there for me if I ever needed him. Stupidly I believed him. I thought it could actually work. Until I needed him, not as an ex but as a friend and he was nowhere to be found. That’s when I stopped making excuses for him. I haven’t thought of him the same way since, in that moment he truly disappointed me. Thank you.

I wish at times I could forget everything. I stumble on memories sometimes and although they may make me smile, they leave me feeling empty afterwards. Alas, I can’t wipe him or that relationship from my memory. Nor do I downplay the significance of that relationship in my life. I look back at myself in that time and think, I loved so wholeheartedly, but it wasn’t my time. When my time comes and I find the one, things wont be perfect, but they will be right.

I was filled with a passion that I hope I can revisit the next time I fall in love. I gave more than my all and it didn’t work out. He broke my heart but I refused to let it destroy me. I used it to make me better. I would thank him for that, but I did it all by myself. Without this experience I wouldn’t be Parker.

xoxo Parker Chase

The cold needles pierce my tender calf muscles and it hurts so good…Her left hand holds my leg steady and she feels me quiver, not in pain but in anticipation…The bleeding lines form her shape. My bondaged kitten, to whom I feel apart of. My hands tied behind my back and hips belted down to the chair, legs open. I’m at the mercy of my artist and with every twitch she smiles.With every drop of pleasure I exhale louder.

“Harder.” I insist.

The needles go deeper, blood circling my ankle, she wipes me down and kisses my knee.

“Almost done?” I asked.

” You will be done when I say you are.” she replies.

My heart beats out of my chest. She kisses me, my lips overwhelm hers.

“Are you lost?” I ask sarcastically.

She silences me with a gag, the fear of suffocation makes me well up in tears but she won’t hurt me, and I won’t let the fear ruin this moment…not this time. I bite down on the gag as the pressure of several needles paints the picture I adore.

She looks up at me with those piercing blue eyes. “Open wider.”

She drops the gun and slides her fingers inside me. I exhale and feel my breath get thinner. I refuse to moan and give her that satisfaction. She knows it. She shows no remorse on my body. I’m owned by her,  the ink shooting Golden Locks.
However, she should have covered my eyes. Now under my hypnosis there is no release this time.

She pulls down my gag and I whisper, “You are mine you know…”

“I always was.”

Our heavy breaths consume the room. She unties me from the chair. Before she can checkmate me, I push my blood filled spiked heel to her shoulder. Pinned against the grown she looks stunned. The juice dripping down my thigh… down my calf now burns the raw skin, down my heels onto her chest. Looking deep into her blue, now misty eyes…she begs as I pull the grenade from my belt.

“But if I can’t have you no one can.” The pin lingers between my teeth as I leave the room. I don’t look back. You were the one and you always will be now. The love massacre lives to tell our story.

Leah Lexington

We wanted to keep the post current, but we are a week late with it, sorry guys its been a bit crazy lately… Parker

Last Sunday Leah and I attended the  AIDS Walk in Central Park. It was my first time ever participating in something like that. I was moving with a sea of thousands along a 6 mile route around the city. Some walked in teams, some walked in pairs. Everyone had their reasons. I walked for my uncle who I lost to AIDS when I was a child, too young to understand the severity of the disease. Although my legs hated me at the end, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I cant wait until next year.

After the AIDS walk we headed down to the Marriage Equality Rally. There were many speakers such as Governor Patterson, Mayor Bloomberg, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis, Audra McDonald, and David Hyde Pierce amongst many others. It was amazing seeing such a turnout for love and all the legal rights that go with that love. I am straight, I may have been one of the few in the crowd, but I feel that everyone deserves a happy ending no matter who you’re with. I want my friends to be able to wed and have it recognized by the state and government. ‘Civil Unions’ are bullshit. Marriage is real. If we as a country were able to get rid of segregation, how is this really any different?

xoxo Parker Chase

Last week I decided to up my karma points by raising money for the AIDS

Walk in memory of my uncle who passed just a couple of years ago.

Unfortunatly I started my collection rather late BUT still managed to

raise $315 in just 5 days. So on walk day...I realize "WOW people wake

up to support a cause rather early." My spirits were high enough to

lift me right out of bed and all through that long 6 mile walk.I

personally feel it was 12 miles...just me?

After a good hike I collected my t shirt and finish line

certificate, Parker and I caught our second wind at Brooklyn Diner.

YUM! Then we were off to the Marriage Equality Rally. Secretly I hopped

to meet my future ex girlfriend but I settled for quality time with my

bff and the most adorable gay boys blocking my view of the stage with

signs. Honest to god it looked like a 1970's protest but more

organaized and minus the pot (unfortunatly). Girls wearing face

painted peace signs and bell bottoms, boys looking like a Levi's

commercial, I swear the movie 'Across the Universe' threw up all over midtown. It

was gorgeous! All these beautiful people standing side by side only

hoping for the same rights as everyone else. Is it to much for me to

ask for the right to screw up marriage just as much as the next

person?

The best speaker by far was Cynthia Nixon from 'Sex and the City'. The

applause and positive energy brought chills up my spine. When it came

time to go home however the chills settled at my feet and turned to

more of a throbbing. Activism ain't easy kids! But its a good color on

me...

Leah Lexington ; )

The original plan was a quick dinner at Sea which turned into an impromtu karaoke session on Avenue A. Let us reflect upon that…

xoxo Parker Chase

Wednesday Night 5/20/2009

Location: Angels and Kings

Parker:

1. I am a born again karaoke whore.

2. Apparently, you can mix tequila with lime, Baileys, Kahlua, and Vodka without getting sick.

3. Peaches and Caramel will go platinum, as will T&T and the Sluts.

4. I much have watched the movie ‘Whats Love Got to Do With It’ one to many times as a child, because I had no idea I knew all the choreography to ‘Proud Mary’ (NO I DIDN’T SING IT, LoL).

5. If your friend tells you they are ‘going to the bathroom’ during karaoke, it means they are signing you up to sing a song you didn’t approve of.

Leah:

1. I need to learn how to say NO to free liquor.

2. I enjoy my ’slutty’ reputation, no matter how far fetched it may be.

3. Lots of things I do are not okay (ex. karaoke).

4. I love my hair.

5. Big wheels DO keep on turning.

Soleil:

1. Karaoke is scary yet fun.

2. Dinner with the girls is STILL never ‘just dinner’.

3. The hottest band ever is T&T and the Sluts.

4. We are still always the center of attention when we go out.

5. When in doubt  roll it out, because we are rolling down the river.

Tonight I don’t feel like me

I know its not because of the drink in my system

Headed to places where I know I shouldn’t

Tonight I am feeling defiant

I enter the room

Dark, with lights flashing all around

Bass from the DJ shaking the walls

People moving, dancing body to body

Feeling like I am stalking prey

Tonight I am going to be bold

This part of me wants to instigate

Feeling many eyes upon me

Senses heightened, so aware

I am not supposed to be here

It was a rule unspoken

But I am filled with passion and rage

I am going to find you

My head is cloudy, so my body has taken over

Searching…

Longing…

Am I ready to open Pandora’s box?

I see you there, In the corner alone

Surprised that she isn’t here with you

Is this what I wanted?

You have spotted me

Your gaze is locked

The roles feel reversed

Are you hunting me?

Pulling me towards you

Now we are body to body

My eyes squared in anger

My body in sensory overdrive

I should smack you

Your touch makes me begin to forget that

You make me want to do bad things

Your eyes search me

My pulse is racing

The room suddenly becomes so hot

I reach out my hand to your cheek

It funny how a touch can be so familiar

The sexual tension at an all time high

And I am waiting on baited breath

I need his mouth on me

I want him inside of me

In this moment he is mine

I don’t care who sees

Just then he captures my lips

The most intoxicating of kisses

There is a hunger within me awakened

He breaks the kiss and goes for my neck

He pulls my hair back and I inhale sharply

“I want you…” he whispers

“Take me then…” I reply

He takes my hand and we head for the exit…

xo Parker Chase

Blow jays- a thing of my past, but a thing nonetheless. I think everyone should utilize the talents they possess and once upon a time the blow job was mine… Here are a few rules I falashe by along with an intimate excerpt from “my hetero days” diary.

First, the three most important things to remember:
1. Communication! (Verbal or sound)
2. Variety. No one likes plain old bopping Mc Betty
3. Stamina: Self explanatory.

A few more assorted tips:

-Balls are your friends.

- Giving head was never meant to look elegant don’t be afraid to get a little dirty, throw some elbow grease into the mix. Its ok if you hair gets wrecked and your makeup runs. It’s all in good sexy fun.

-Its all in the eyes. Drive them wild with the look of confidence. If you can’t bring yourself to stare up at your guys “Oh Em Gee” face, then you shouldn’t be on your knees to begin with.

*Remember you may be in a submissive position but baby you are holding All the power between your tonsils. Be proud.
Which brings me to my motto on oral sex “go to town on that shit” if you aren’t going to give it 110% ….as Madison’s mom would say, “someone else will!”

Last but not least
- Not a fan of swallowing your boys juicy seeds? Then try this one on for size..the phrase “cum ON me baby” will never disappoint. Allow your fellow to make an abstract painting. With your body as his canvas you can’t go wrong. His love for porn and your gag reflex will thank you.

An excerpt from my past: I remember looking at my chest pumping up and down, gasping for air and thinking this is art. White lines of pleasure  crossed over my breast, slowly starting to curve around my collar bone. Sticky but comforting, feeling overwhelmingly claimed by him. I laid back and smiled in accomplishment he crawled over with a towel and wiped me down.  He grinned , I asked why.  “Its my turn now” he said with a devilish look in his eyes… I didn’t argue.

Leah Lexington<3

One can learn  a lot from going out at night. Hence the introduction of this column to the masses. The rules are simple: When the girls and I go out, we will note 5 things that we discovered/saw/learned/etc. from the previous night.

xo Parker

Friday Night 5/8/09

Location: Fat Hippo (NYC)

Parker:

1. Url’s are the new digits.

2. Do not drink shots of jalepeno infused tequila no matter how cute the bartender is. Have Jager instead. It makes everyone happy.

3. Don’t use the same shitty pickup line on two friends sitting 5 feet away from eachother.

4. A hot bartender who knows what he’s doing is incredibly sexy. (Thank You Zeem!)

5. Although British accents make me all hot and flustered. I am beginning to enjoy Irish accents as well.

Soleil:

1. Spicy tequila is the devil…

2. When you are friends with the bartender, all they want to do is get you trashed.

3. I have bad friends

4. You’re always the winner when you argue with parking garage attendants.

5. Having  ‘a drink with the girls’ is code for ’stay out untill 6am’.

Leah:

1. Zeem at Fat Hippo is the best bartender ever.

2. Wearing a t-shirt that says “I put out” with the picture of a fire extinguisher is an awesome conversation piece.

3. Being gay makes me the perfect wing man to both sex’s.

4. Don’t wear wedges without ankle support when you have to walk 1000 miles from the 3 train to the F train.

5. My love for mac and cheese may very well exceed my love for sex.

Saturday Night 5/9/09

Location: Mamaroneck Ave. (White Plains)**

Leah:

1. I should have stayed home.

2. Affliction, Ed Hardy and Smet are not the only brands for men on the market.

3. Some places are just unnecessary.

4. Westchester nightlife is equivalent to Manhattans brunch.

5. I prefer men that look like they don’t shower enough as opposed to men who look like they came out of a plastic box.

Parker:

1. Although I live here I am NOT a Westchester girl by any means.  This fact is more obvious now than it has ever been.

2. Drunk boys trying to be sexy is worse than drunk girls trying to be sexy.

3. Encountered a creepy hair sniffer, who LITERALLY sniffed my hair.

4. The nightlife scene in White Plains consists of half a block and that hurts my heart.

5. I should have either a. Stayed home or b.  Went to Manhattan to party.

**Disclaimer: We don’t hate White Plains. We decided to give it a try and it really wasnt our scene. However many people love the nightlife there. We’re just giving our opinions.**

If its one thing I can’t stand its a girl with corny pick up lines.
I felt that when I shed the 95% of my heterosexuality, lame lines and
gestures would become a thing of the past much like birth control and
condoms.
Even more frustrating than failed attempts at my interest is the lack
of attempts in general. To the girl who stands across the room thinking
up all the things she’ll never say out loud I suggest starting with a
smile and head nod. As for you bold broads who’ve caught a disease I
call “undeserved confidence”  you could take a lesson or two from
Quiet Quincy in the corner. Starting off with things like “I hate this DJ, don’t you just hate
this DJ?” chances are its not the DJ’s fault your “moves” are 1995 even
if the music is. Also a good chance you’ve insulted a friend of mine
hold my purse by the turntables. (On that note don’t tell me I’m so
much more attractive than the go-go dancer, you’re just desperate for
material, she’s probobly a friend of mine and now I know how rude and
judgmental you are)

*Always do the research and know who your prey is
and who they’re friends are before approaching*

Another major meet and great seduction faux pas (and this rings
true for both breeders and gays of all genders): Don’t buy your pretty
little obstacle a drink and proceed to follow your $8 investment around
the party all night long. Since when is pineapple and goose a wedding
engagement? If you make yourself seem too available we’ll wonder why
and if you ignore us we’ll think you’re an ass…I never said this was
simple. The key is to not be creepy; hair sniffing is not the new “how
are ya?”
So why is the cliché ” just be yourself” often unsuccessful? Not
everyone is smooth operating, Joe Cool 1st time around. However first
impressions really are everything SO here is some advice from personal
experience in both the gay and straight scene, enjoy.

Do- make friendly eye contact
Don’t- stare like an admiring fan, obsessively and for long periods of time.
Do- say hi and introduce yourself
Don’t- slate. This isn’t an audition or interview
Do- ask what your prey is drinking
Don’t- buy a drink you insist she must try an finish with you. Tell
her to enjoy and walk away, if she’s interested you’ll see her again
within the hour so leave the bar tab open
Do-make small talk with her friends, be witty.
Don’t- rant to her friends about how single you and how you couldn’t be
more over your ex.
If your prey is interested she will do her part in conjuring up
witty banter. Take a moment to interrupt her rambling with a compliment
preferably a facial one like ” you have very gorgeous eyes” or if
you’re feeling ballsy ” I’m mesmerized by your lips” be careful because you
may imply that you’d like a smooch, which only works if you KNOW
she’s into you.

Good luck and happy hunting!

Leah Lexington <3

When do you feel the sexiest? Is it when you’re decked out in your little black dress and all dolled up? Is it when you wake up in the morning and take that lazy stretch in bed? Is it when you’re basking in the afterglow of amazing sex? Sometimes the answers aren’t as conventional as ‘walking around in lingerie and high heels.’ The answers may surprise you.

For me, I couldn’t round it down to one particular moment. I have three…

The first is when I am in my room, after a shower decked out only in cute panties doing my makeup and putting together an outfit for a night out. It’s a moment of feeling beautiful and so comfortable in my own skin. The second is when I am lounging around the house in just boy shorts and an off the shoulder tee, no makeup (well…maybe just a little…). It’s the official after work uniform. Add some knee or thigh high socks to the mix and its even better. It makes me feel sexy because I’m not trying to be sexy on purpose. And the third…I am probably choosing this because of my indefinite  dry spell, lol. I feel incredibly sexy in dance class. Specifically, towards the end of the warm-up when we are all on the floor sitting up, flat back with our legs spread out like a V (or wider depending on how flexible you are.). There is this one moment when I catch myself in the mirror, head cocked to the side. I’m not sweating yet, but there is a definite glow to my skin. I have this euphoric ‘just been fucked’ look on my face, and I love it.

Sexiness is in the eye of the beholder, whether its personal sexiness or how you view someone else. I think it really all boils down to confidence. Confidence makes everyone sexy…

Parker Chase…