You Cannot Say The Girl Is Nothing Less Then A Phoenix

This has to be one of the most honest things I have written so far. The people who know me personally know who this is about, im not denying it. I didn’t expect that things would be so different a year later…

I was out on Saturday night when it hit me like a truck: If we were still together, we would be making 4 years on Thursday. There was a part of me that was happy that I forgot, meaning that I had been so absorbed in my new self that he was becoming less and less a part of my thoughts. Another part that thought I was stupid for forgetting it. I wish I had remembered it the day after…instead of having the days leading up to it to dwell. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and I tried to think of anything else. My sadness mixed with anger, I was livid that I was wasting tears on him. I couldn’t remember the last time I had cried over him, over us.

It wouldn’t bother me so much but the fact that I had found out he was engaged after a short courtship reopened the wound and cut it deeper. He was back in my head again and it bothered me. It not even that I wanted him back. It just feels like the three years that we did have, ended up meaning nothing in the end. The word ‘engagement’ seemed burned into the back of my mind. I wanted to be his wife, but not right that second. We wanted to take it slow and get married a few years from now, when we were established more in life and career. So to hear that he was engaged after roughly 6 months into his new relationship was more than a hard pill to swallow…it was more like twisting a knife.

The break-up was the best worst thing that ever happened to me. It depends on the day.
It was my catalyst. It forced me to evolve.  I went through phases; first I was crushed, then jaded, and then determined. I wasn’t going to drown in my sorrows. I became proactive. I was incredibly happy being with him, but I had missed out on so much.

If he were to come around tomorrow, I couldn’t be with him. I have no fight left in me anymore, and God knows I fought for that boy. We went through a lot together, it strengthened us and weakened us all at the same time. I lost so much of myself in that relationship that when it was finally over I almost felt like I had to rebuild myself from the ground up. I’m not here to bash what we had. We were in love. However, it seemed that when things got difficult, he would run.  I was promised forever one day and he was gone the next. When did his ‘I love you’ lose their meaning? I would ask myself that a lot when the break up was fresh. Relationships aren’t perfect all the time, but you keep the bigger picture in mind.

He left me with the promise of friendship and that he would be there for me if I ever needed him. Stupidly I believed him. I thought it could actually work. Until I needed him, not as an ex but as a friend and he was nowhere to be found. That’s when I stopped making excuses for him. I haven’t thought of him the same way since, in that moment he truly disappointed me. Thank you.

I wish at times I could forget everything. I stumble on memories sometimes and although they may make me smile, they leave me feeling empty afterwards. Alas, I can’t wipe him or that relationship from my memory. Nor do I downplay the significance of that relationship in my life. I look back at myself in that time and think, I loved so wholeheartedly, but it wasn’t my time. When my time comes and I find the one, things wont be perfect, but they will be right.

I was filled with a passion that I hope I can revisit the next time I fall in love. I gave more than my all and it didn’t work out. He broke my heart but I refused to let it destroy me. I used it to make me better. I would thank him for that, but I did it all by myself. Without this experience I wouldn’t be Parker.

xoxo Parker Chase

Love Masochist

The cold needles pierce my tender calf muscles and it hurts so good…Her left hand holds my leg steady and she feels me quiver, not in pain but in anticipation…The bleeding lines form her shape. My bondaged kitten, to whom I feel apart of. My hands tied behind my back and hips belted down to the chair, legs open. I’m at the mercy of my artist and with every twitch she smiles.With every drop of pleasure I exhale louder.

“Harder.” I insist.

The needles go deeper, blood circling my ankle, she wipes me down and kisses my knee.

“Almost done?” I asked.

” You will be done when I say you are.” she replies.

My heart beats out of my chest. She kisses me, my lips overwhelm hers.

“Are you lost?” I ask sarcastically.

She silences me with a gag, the fear of suffocation makes me well up in tears but she won’t hurt me, and I won’t let the fear ruin this moment…not this time. I bite down on the gag as the pressure of several needles paints the picture I adore.

She looks up at me with those piercing blue eyes. “Open wider.”

She drops the gun and slides her fingers inside me. I exhale and feel my breath get thinner. I refuse to moan and give her that satisfaction. She knows it. She shows no remorse on my body. I’m owned by her,  the ink shooting Golden Locks.
However, she should have covered my eyes. Now under my hypnosis there is no release this time.

She pulls down my gag and I whisper, “You are mine you know…”

“I always was.”

Our heavy breaths consume the room. She unties me from the chair. Before she can checkmate me, I push my blood filled spiked heel to her shoulder. Pinned against the grown she looks stunned. The juice dripping down my thigh… down my calf now burns the raw skin, down my heels onto her chest. Looking deep into her blue, now misty eyes…she begs as I pull the grenade from my belt.

“But if I can’t have you no one can.” The pin lingers between my teeth as I leave the room. I don’t look back. You were the one and you always will be now. The love massacre lives to tell our story.

Leah Lexington

Blow Jays

Blow jays- a thing of my past, but a thing nonetheless. I think everyone should utilize the talents they possess and once upon a time the blow job was mine… Here are a few rules I falashe by along with an intimate excerpt from “my hetero days” diary.

First, the three most important things to remember:
1. Communication! (Verbal or sound)
2. Variety. No one likes plain old bopping Mc Betty
3. Stamina: Self explanatory.

A few more assorted tips:

-Balls are your friends.

- Giving head was never meant to look elegant don’t be afraid to get a little dirty, throw some elbow grease into the mix. Its ok if you hair gets wrecked and your makeup runs. It’s all in good sexy fun.

-Its all in the eyes. Drive them wild with the look of confidence. If you can’t bring yourself to stare up at your guys “Oh Em Gee” face, then you shouldn’t be on your knees to begin with.

*Remember you may be in a submissive position but baby you are holding All the power between your tonsils. Be proud.
Which brings me to my motto on oral sex “go to town on that shit” if you aren’t going to give it 110% ….as Madison’s mom would say, “someone else will!”

Last but not least
- Not a fan of swallowing your boys juicy seeds? Then try this one on for size..the phrase “cum ON me baby” will never disappoint. Allow your fellow to make an abstract painting. With your body as his canvas you can’t go wrong. His love for porn and your gag reflex will thank you.

An excerpt from my past: I remember looking at my chest pumping up and down, gasping for air and thinking this is art. White lines of pleasure  crossed over my breast, slowly starting to curve around my collar bone. Sticky but comforting, feeling overwhelmingly claimed by him. I laid back and smiled in accomplishment he crawled over with a towel and wiped me down.  He grinned , I asked why.  “Its my turn now” he said with a devilish look in his eyes… I didn’t argue.

Leah Lexington<3

The Art of the Meet and Greet: Female Seduction

If its one thing I can’t stand its a girl with corny pick up lines.
I felt that when I shed the 95% of my heterosexuality, lame lines and
gestures would become a thing of the past much like birth control and
condoms.
Even more frustrating than failed attempts at my interest is the lack
of attempts in general. To the girl who stands across the room thinking
up all the things she’ll never say out loud I suggest starting with a
smile and head nod. As for you bold broads who’ve caught a disease I
call “undeserved confidence”  you could take a lesson or two from
Quiet Quincy in the corner. Starting off with things like “I hate this DJ, don’t you just hate
this DJ?” chances are its not the DJ’s fault your “moves” are 1995 even
if the music is. Also a good chance you’ve insulted a friend of mine
hold my purse by the turntables. (On that note don’t tell me I’m so
much more attractive than the go-go dancer, you’re just desperate for
material, she’s probobly a friend of mine and now I know how rude and
judgmental you are)

*Always do the research and know who your prey is
and who they’re friends are before approaching*

Another major meet and great seduction faux pas (and this rings
true for both breeders and gays of all genders): Don’t buy your pretty
little obstacle a drink and proceed to follow your $8 investment around
the party all night long. Since when is pineapple and goose a wedding
engagement? If you make yourself seem too available we’ll wonder why
and if you ignore us we’ll think you’re an ass…I never said this was
simple. The key is to not be creepy; hair sniffing is not the new “how
are ya?”
So why is the cliché ” just be yourself” often unsuccessful? Not
everyone is smooth operating, Joe Cool 1st time around. However first
impressions really are everything SO here is some advice from personal
experience in both the gay and straight scene, enjoy.

Do- make friendly eye contact
Don’t- stare like an admiring fan, obsessively and for long periods of time.
Do- say hi and introduce yourself
Don’t- slate. This isn’t an audition or interview
Do- ask what your prey is drinking
Don’t- buy a drink you insist she must try an finish with you. Tell
her to enjoy and walk away, if she’s interested you’ll see her again
within the hour so leave the bar tab open
Do-make small talk with her friends, be witty.
Don’t- rant to her friends about how single you and how you couldn’t be
more over your ex.
If your prey is interested she will do her part in conjuring up
witty banter. Take a moment to interrupt her rambling with a compliment
preferably a facial one like ” you have very gorgeous eyes” or if
you’re feeling ballsy ” I’m mesmerized by your lips” be careful because you
may imply that you’d like a smooch, which only works if you KNOW
she’s into you.

Good luck and happy hunting!

Leah Lexington <3